I worked 15-17 hour days through the week and then did major housekeeping (dusting, bleaching toys, etc.) on the weekends so I pretty much worked all the time. But my family was there working with me and we had a blast. I developed pneumonia late in 2002 and then again in march of 2003. In August, again I felt the symptoms of pneumonia. I remember it all so clearly. My husband and I had worked in the yard all day Saturday and then rode our bikes all over town all day Sunday. I had been having intermittent chest pain, and some fatigue, but I was working long hours and therefore justified the exhaustion. On Monday morning, I woke up and thought I was having a heart attack. I worked my 12 hour shift, called one of my employees back in to cover the last hour or so and I went to the emergency room. They immediately checked pulse ox, etc. and sent me for a chest x-ray. My husband and I were sitting in the bed together laughing and watching tv (we didn't have cable because there was never time for tv). After about 2 hours I asked the nurse why I was still there, weren't they just going to prescribe levoquin and send me home? She turned ghostly white and said that the doctor would be in soon. The doctor came in, he sat down on the bed beside us and turned off the tv. We knew it was bad, the doctor was crying. He put his hand on mine and my husband's hands and said "there's something on your chest x-ray". The cancer registrar in me immediately took over and asked if the mass was in my lung or in the mediastinum. I remember him saying that it was probably nothing but I just kept repeating to him that something on your chest x-ray was never nothing. He asked if I had been having any night sweats. I pulled the covers over my head and cried "you think I've got lymphoma!" Hindsight is 20/20--I had been having night sweats but it was summertime, I attributed them to the hot Oklahoma nights. I had lost over 40 pounds since the first of the year but I had also traded in my car for a bicycle and figured that the healthy lifestyle was working. Fatigue--I worked a LOT. They immediately took me to CT for imaging. I was found to have a grapefruit sized mass involving my mediastinum and spreading down into the hilum. Additional areas were found in my left axilla, right neck, and paranasal sinuses. By this time, it was past midnight and they planned to admit me immediately for fear that I would have a heart attack at any time. I begged and begged and they finally let me go home with the promise that I would return in a few hours. My husband and I went home and held each other. He took me back to the hospital and it all began. You know the routine, scan everything, bone marrow biopsies, blood tests--everything. Meanwhile, my 4 yr old and my 11 yr old had been spending a few weeks of the summer with my mom in Georgia. My mom is the business manager for the radiation therapy department at Phoebe Putney Memorial in Albany, GA. That is where I had received my training as a cancer data specialist. I called my mom and told her the news. When I told my oldest, the first thing he said was "what stage are you?". The town where we lived was a small college town (maybe you've heard of the Sooners?) and I wanted my mom so, after being okay'd to fly, I was handed the slides and x-rays and put on a plane to Georgia. This is where it all began to get fuzzy.

I honestly don't remember even arriving in Atlanta and my brother picking me up, nor do I remember the drive back to Albany. I only knew that there was no way I would be treated anywhere else. I had worked closely with every member of that oncology staff and I had seen first hand the compassion and love that they provided. Dr. John Duelge, formerly my cancer committee chairman, became my physician and I began my chemo as soon as I arrived. After the biopsies were reviewed, it was determined that I had Large B-cell NHL--stage 2B. Chemo wasn't so bad at first but with each treatment it was harder to bounce back. I had 21 day cycles of rituxan and CHOP chemo. I was scheduled for 6 treatments and after 2 my chest x-ray showed almost complete resolution of the mediastinal mass. They had implanted a port on my chest wall. Since my mom worked for the RT docs, and I had worked very closely with my doctor, (he used to use the spare computer in my office to play minesweeper on his lunchbreak and we would share reese's cups) they hit me with the highest dose possible and planned for 8 treatments with the CHOP/Rituxan, in addition to 4 intrathecal injections of methotrexate. After the 7th tx, the MUGA scan showed an ejection fraction of 47% so my chemo was discontinued. My hands, fingers, calves, and feet are completely numb from the vincristine. I fall all the time, which is apparently normal, but no one can tell me that it will go away. I sometimes feel like my brain has been fried. I will forget what I'm talking about halfway through the sentence and when I try to write with my hands, I leave out letters and words, but I can barely scrawl so no one really notices. I graduated from my chemo txs yesterday. I go on the 26th to have a PET scan and start treatment planning in radiation therapy. They are planning 2-4 months of daily RT to my mantle.

God has healed me. He has lifted me up and filled me with his spirit and I could not have made it without Him. My poor husband was still in Oklahoma trying to pack our belongings to move to Georgia, and being away from me, he was more afraid than all of us because I had plenty of support surrounding me but he was alone and scared. He was able to move here the week of Thanksgiving. I thank God every day for guiding our lives. Everything from finding a place to live to finding a job just fell into our laps--God was providing for us in so many ways we couldn't keep count. My children became used to me being bald and we have come up with some good bald jokes but the sweetest thing is when I have to wear a mask, my youngest pulls off my hat to kiss my head and rub the little patches of hair that remain.

I have faith in the Lord that I will enjoy a long and happy life. I never got mad because I had cancer. It hurt to lose my business, for my kids to be scared, and to lose my independence, but I can cope with that. We are never given more than we can handle but things happen for a reason. I have learned many lessons--the biggest being that I was no longer the caregiver but the person being cared for. I'm a stubborn person so that really was hard. Losing my income has been hard but the Lord provided the most beautiful little house for us and the rent is so cheap that my husband's salary is more than enough to support our family. I have been so blessed.

But I can't help but wonder---will there be a day when I don't wake up and think about the chance for recurrence? I never got mad because I felt in my heart that I would be cured but those same thoughts creep into my mind. I'll only get mad if I recur. I thank God for every beat of my heart and I see things now that I always took for granted. I am thrilled after reading of your long-term survival. I will pray for your continued good health. Thanks for putting all of your information out there for people to see. I wish I had seen it prior to the chemo--doctors and nurses are vague when it comes to symptoms so it was refreshing that details of what to expect are provided. The unknown is scary--I think you've probably educated many patients and helped them to know that they are not alone.

Sorry for such a long e-mail, but I've not talked to many people about my diagnosis--my husband is my only confidante. He's the only one who knows how scared I really am. So I leave you now, I will finish today the way I finish every day, turn out the lights, go check on the kids and kiss them again and again, and crawl into bed with my true love to snuggle until we drift off to sleep. Tomorrow morning will bring a new day, and another prayer thanking God for my beautiful family and life and ask that I continue to be allowed to walk upon this beautiful world that God created for us. I hope each day brings you more and more blessings--thank you for the work you have done on your website. Please let me know if there is any way I can ever help you.

God bless you and I will keep you in my prayers.

Mary Beth Peirce - mepeirce@yahoo.com